You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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