Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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