I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
