wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
