Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
