Who wears a wallet chain?!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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