Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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