You're so nebulous sometimes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
