Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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