he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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