Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
