Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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