So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
