his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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