No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
