I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
