I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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