did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
