just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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