Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
