dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
soo... how was my night?
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