I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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