It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
heβs basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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