She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
