You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
