I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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