Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
