we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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