can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
