Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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