I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
