I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
