I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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