im about as happy as oj after his trial
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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