The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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