there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
