dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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