I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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