I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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