I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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