at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
