I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
