Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
