Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
