Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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