The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
