I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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