The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
