I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize