I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
