Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
