when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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