Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
