$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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