i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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