If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
