People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
