Nicole vs. Life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
