New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
