Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
