pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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