ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
