I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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