He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
