you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
