I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize