he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
