If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
