hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
