I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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